So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This is classic penis vs brain.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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