The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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