Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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