Hey man sorry I got all grabby
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
