Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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