Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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