he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
