i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
