On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
