This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They are going to name an STD after you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize