No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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