Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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