Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I DEMAND FORESKIN
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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