if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
