just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize