Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
