Can Purell be used as lube?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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