You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
