I hate all girls vehemently.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
