I smell stomach acid.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
