You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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