so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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