please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
