What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
