I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
