I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
