i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
