does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
