she looked like the before picture.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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