The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
