I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
