I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
