erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
