I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
