Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
