yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize