I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
