i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
