did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
