Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
