I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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