Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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