I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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