Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
