It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
