i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
