We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
