I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
