i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How external is "for external use only"?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
