I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
