the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
