He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
