I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
