last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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