Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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