I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
