I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
