I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
