Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
