What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize