Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
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