Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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