She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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