dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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