The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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