you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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