It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
