Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
