They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
