Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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